


If I Keep My Eyes Closed with the Blind Hope

by kaleidomusings



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Family, Family Feels, Friendship, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:52:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6448966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidomusings/pseuds/kaleidomusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey, there's no need for accusations here. I don't remember much, but it's not the droid's fault." Poe grins. "Besides, I'd rather be taken care of by <i>you</i>."</p><p>"You don't remember anything!" Finn yells, because Poe <i>lost his memory</i> and is <i>trying to proposition him</i>, this is the absolute worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Keep My Eyes Closed with the Blind Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a lot of fics where Finn loses his memory, so I wanted to try my hand at Poe being the one with amnesia.

Finn stares and grips the handles of his chair a little tighter than he should, wondering if he somehow misheard. "What did you just say?"

The smile Poe aims at him is downright _sinful_. "You're really hot. How about you climb up on the bed with me? I'll make it worth your while."

Finn gapes. When Major Kalonia explained that Poe had amnesia, Finn assumed the worst. He thought Poe might be confused, maybe even a little angry over his predicament, but he never expected _this_. Whirling on BB-8, he says loudly, "You promised to take care of him!" 

BB-8 beeps back in outrage.

Poe inclines his head curiously at the little droid before turning back to Finn, holding his hands up placatingly. "Hey, there's no need for accusations here. I don't remember much, but it's not the droid's fault." He grins. "Besides, I'd rather be taken care of by _you_."

"You don't remember anything!" Finn yells, because Poe _lost his memory_ and is t _rying to proposition him_ , this is the absolute worst. 

Worst of all is how Poe looks insulted by that, even though it's true. "Excuse me, but at least I know my own name."

"Yeah, because I had to tell you!" And the reason Finn knows that is because he stayed at Poe's bedside until he woke up, and then had to physically restrain him from murdering the medics with his bare hands, repeating over and over, _You're okay. Your name is Poe Dameron. You're at the Resistance Base on D'Qar. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe. You're safe_ , until Poe finally believed him. (Although Major Kalonia is now the only medical personnel who will approach him willingly.)

A part of him knows that he needs to be calm about this, but the way Poe just shrugs dismissively about it makes him too upset to think straight. "Details."

"Details?" Finn repeats, staring at him open-mouthed and incredulous. " _Details_?"

Poe shares a look with BB-8. "Is he always like this?" he asks. It beeps and turns its optical camera toward the ceiling in the universal sign of an eye-roll, but Poe just shrugs. "Nah. It's kind of cute."

It takes an impressive amount of self control not to grab him by the collar and shake him until whatever is wrong with his head will rattle back into place and then everything can go back to normal. Because the man sitting in front of him -who flirts as easily as breathing and clearly doesn't mean any of it- feels like an impostor wearing Poe's face. After all, the real Poe agreed to be his pilot, named him, affectionately called him buddy, and hugged him like Finn was the only thing grounding him most days. He also never, ever flirted with him. Not even once. 

Everything that made Poe Finn's friend just drives home the fact that this Poe is a complete stranger, and all Finn wants is the _real_ Poe back. 

"What--" The dark brown eyes that are so familiar to him, and yet so foreign, widen. Poe makes an aborted movement like he might clasp his hand on Finn's shoulder, but stops himself halfway. Which somehow makes Finn feel even worse, if that were possible. "Hey, buddy, don't-- Don't cry."

"I'm not crying," Finn snaps and sniffles loudly. "And don't call me that."

Poe stares at him in confusion. "Call you what? Buddy?"

Finn nods, wiping at his eyes. "That's what you call me when you--" He pauses, struggling to explain it right. "Before."

He doesn't seem to do a very good job of it, considering the way Poe frowns at him before asking, "Am I in love with you?"

Finn stares. " _No_. I'm in love with _you_."

But Poe shakes his head and says, "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you." He's so matter of fact with his words that it makes Finn's heart ache. "I can't remember the details, but I feel like I'd tear apart the entire galaxy as long as it kept you safe."

Finn leans forward in his chair until he's nearly doubled over and clutches at his chest, because Poe may have loved him all this time and never said anything to him. It worries him a little that Poe loves him to such an extreme extent that he would give up everything for him, but that's exactly the way Finn feels. And then his whole body hurts with the realization that if Poe really has lost his memory forever, then he'll never know that Finn loved him back. 

"I'm sorry," Poe says. BB-8 beeps worriedly next to him and nudging Finn's leg. Finn feels a hand lay on top of his head as he starts to shake, even as he keeps his face hidden from Poe. But the fingers stroking his hair are a comfort, if only just a small one. "I'm really sorry."

Finn wants to protest, because Poe isn't the one at fault, but he's too choked up to manage it. All he can do is fight against the urge to cry and remember to keep breathing.

When he finally manages to calm himself down, Finn lifts his head and looks at Poe, feeling shy and embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he says.

Poe leans back, taking his hands with him, and he immediately misses the contact. "Don't be. I feel the same way really."

It's only then that Finn notices how pale he is, how his hands fist into the sheets, and he realizes that Poe is afraid too. Afraid he'll never remember anything from before he lost his memory. And Finn never wants to see him look so scared, or in so much pain. 

Slowly -hesitantly- he reaches out and takes Poe's hands in his, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. "I promise that I'll do whatever I can to help you get your memories back," he says, knowing that the words aren't enough but meaning them as surely as he breathes. Even if Poe remembers that he's never been in love with Finn after all, even if things will never the same between them after this, having the real Poe back would make it all worth it. 

BB-8 beeps agreement and Poe glances at it briefly before looking down at their clasped hands. "How?"

"A good friend of mine, Rey, is training with Luke Skywalker himself. They'll figure out a way to help." Finn can't be sure, of course, but he feels better after saying it. If anyone can help Poe, he trusts that Rey will. 

There's no sign of recognition on Poe's face at either name, but tension seems to bleed out of his shoulders, and he nods. He turns his hands and twines their fingers together, lost in thought. After a moment, he meets Finn's gaze and smiles crookedly. "So... still want up on the bed with me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and comments because they make me very, very happy.


End file.
